Had a good few days of rest, two great weddings on friday and saturday. It's been really helpful to see my friends in sheffield and talk about what's been going on in my heart while in Napa. Feel a lot calmer although I know I'm part way through a process of healing, and my mind is still on the mission in napa. Here's a poem speaking of sleepless nights:
Heart sick, an island in the sea of sleep,
a cleft in my heart exposed,
broken, nerves beating,
my resolve to confess is separated by a channel of sleep, will I cross it?
Will I make it? not I
No, not I can make it.
More dislodged the Iceberg dissolves
floating directionless, lapping
worries touch the side of this coracle of limbo,
take me away with you spirit of wind and waves,
blow me to this land of freedom,
the land of day,
Where my sleep is sounded,
my heart is carried,
where your love resounds,
This silence is killing me,
this waiting is dying,
when will I find your home?
Comforter you are my hope,
The emptiness of my hunger yearns,
where will I find a meal?
you set a picnic before me,
you restore my soul.
The beach is calling "Come have breakfast with me"
"Come eat and be filled".

I'm out in Ayia Napa, here for another 6 weeks, while coming back shortly to the UK to be part of Rachel and mani's then Dave and Susan's weddings, returning on wednesday for a week. I'm pretty exhausted and going through a lot internally, while trying to press on with leading the team. You can check out the team blog at D3uk.net diary.
God's really mocking my legalism as a leader, appropriateness about when to recieve healing and when to give. My heart is truly broken at the moment, many hidden insecurities are arising, but Rachel, Anna, Ant and Bex have really been looking after me and praying with me. I feel quite a fool, but it can only be good.
Thanks for your prayers